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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

American Idiots and Fortune Cookies

Angel Dust Nonsense…
Another day in the world of make believe that even Willie Wonka would have thought was just plain silly.  Our American Idiots, self proclaimed market wizard-pimps, Ben Wizzie and Alan Greenspan are at it again—moving mountains with their words… or at least trying to.
  Ben Wizzie is out of bullets.  If he had a six-shooter he has shoot his entire round but he is still threatening with the same pistol.  If you didn’t know that he had already shot his bullets you could be afraid of being shot, but knowing he is out of ammo, the worst he could do was bludger you with the handle of the pistol.  If the QEII silver bullet did nothing but pimp the Russell 2000 higher, I doubt a bludgering of QeTHRee will do much to help the real economy. 
Still, like I said, Wizzie is pointing the pistol:  Bernanke Speaks and the Market Shoots up.  Has it really been 2 weeks since QE2 ended?  Wow—time flies when there is no stimulus. 
The pimping parade of QeTHRee lasted about 7 hours today, but faded quickly at the end of the afternoon when people awoke from their pixie/angel-dusted voyage to Fed Narnia and were disappointed to learn that wizards, while funny and interesting to 9-year-olds, are not real.   Bernanke can keep pulling rabbits out of his hat, but pretty soon people are going to expect something more than running the printing press non-stop. 
Is QeTHRee coming tomorrow?  Nope… but it is coming.  Just be ready.
FOOT-IN-MOUTH Diseased Debt
A little story that slid under the cracks today was another from Ben Wizzie-- Cat is out of the bag.
Ahem, from the article:  Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said if Washington failed to raise the U.S. borrowing limit in time, the United States would pay creditors first and stop benefits such as payments under the Social Security retirement program.
He might as well have said that he would kill the women and children first.  I take 4 things from this:
1)      I am now 100% sure I will not have social security by the time I retire, &
2)      Bernanke’s speech writer must have been smoking crack all night to give the master wizard the A-Ok on this one, &
3)      There is a better chance of winning Powerball 3 times in a single month than the U.S. getting the debt issues resolved by Aug. 2nd, &
4)      QeTHRee is a sure thing—as sure as Monday following Sunday.
There is nothing more awesome that admitting you are not going to pay social security starting in August.  Nothing.  Nada.  That is freeking unbelievable.  Dude is a pimp for sure.  I bet all the residents of Arizona would be in uproars if they were not all napping before bingo and ‘tastes like chicken’ night! 
Here’s a fun one:  How does Obama get re-elected if he doesn’t pay people social security?  Sarah Palin could admit she was a hooker with AIDS who slept with Tiger Woods and get into office if the Social Security checks don’t go out—Even if Obama killed Bin Laden.  No pay = No Prez. 
Old Guys Rule 
It is hard to say whether Alan Greenspan or Ben Wizzie is more of an enabler in the demise of America, but Greenspan is starting to show his age:  Greenspan says young people are stupid.
"Baby boomers are being replaced by groups of young workers who have regrettably scored rather poorly in international educational match-ups over the last two decades. The average income of U.S. households headed by 25-year-olds and younger has been declining relative to the average income of the baby boomer population. This is a reasonably good indication that the productivity of the younger part of our workforce is declining relative to the level of productivity achieved by the retiring baby boomers. This raises some major concerns about the productive skills of our future U.S. labor force."
There is some truth to this, but Greenspan failed to speak up about this topic when he was pimping the housing market into the ultimate bubble.  My grandpa said the same thing about my parents and my parents will say the same thing about my generation.  Maybe one day down the road there will be emphasis on education instead of profits for fast food and oil companies, but there isn’t a chance in hell of this happening with the likes of Greenspan and Bernanke around—heck, Bernanke pimps the S&P. 
Touce Mr. Greenspan— someone change that man’s bedpan before bingo and ‘tastes like chicken’ night!
Fortune Cookies
We are in the middle of some interesting times with this economy.  Main Street is screaming for help in the housing and labor markets and the wizards are trying to figure out some way to keep oil above $100 while not killing profits at J.C. Penny.  Doesn’t really sound like the ‘Land of Opportunity’ to me. 
Ultimately though, magicians have to end their show and face their audience and bow for their performance.  That is all it is—an act.  How long can this act last?  Hard to call an end date, but it sure feels like we are closer to the end than the beginning.  Sure feels like nothing has changed—other than my house being worth less and my food costing a hell of a lot more—since 2008. 
So put your faith in the Feds, or the president, or the Wave theory, or by squeezing the magical goat’s balls to tell you the future of the markets.  Me—I now take my advice on the economy from Fortune Cookies.  They seem to be about as reliable as CNBC and Marketwatch and I get to eat sushi before a fortune cookie.  Funny though—they have all said the same thing lately…

Could be worse though—I could be ‘expecting’ my $763 Social Security check on August 4th! 

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